Thursday, March 6, 2008

A Thoroughly Messed Up Day of Minor Disasters

Some days you just shouldn't get out of bed.

Exhibit 1: One of the printers in our home office was smudging, so the DH decided to carry it down to the kitchen to clean it. The office is upstairs at the front of the house; the kitchen is downstairs at the back of the house, and the kitchen sink is the farthest possible point in the house from the printer's home on the office desk. I now know exactly how far it is, thanks to the trail of large, black, liquid ink pools that we spent the morning cleaning off the carpet, the stairs, the wood floors, our shoes...

Exhibit 2: I laid the tile on the bathroom floor yesterday. This morning the dry waller called and said he could come out to fix the hole in the wall. Not wanting to miss this unprecedented opportunity, I checked the tiles and deemed the adhesive "dry enough" for him to walk on. I was wrong. Totally, completely, horribly wrong. After he left, I went in and discovered that my carefully-measured, marked, spaced, and leveled tiles were...not. Not spaced, not leveled, not measured. They had, in fact, slid in all directions everywhere he had stepped or knelt. This was not his fault. He had carefully laid a sheet of dry wall atop the tiles and covered that with a tarp, but the adhesive just wasn't set up yet. I almost cried. I spent the rest of the morning carefully prying and sliding and spacing the tiles, trying to shift them gently back into position without breaking whatever bonds they might have formed with the floor.

Exhibit 3: The bride-to-be of Icarus fame is completely out of control. I suspected she might be heading down that very slippery slope when she had an engagement party and two bridal showers, all of which her bridesmaids (of whom I am one) were expected to attend, bearing gifts, notwithstanding the fact that none of us live in the same city. I was pretty sure she was well on her way when she sent out a call for "one or more" of her bridesmaids to come to her final dress fitting to learn "how to put it on"--even though the closest of us lives over an hour away. And folks, I know we ostentatiously call it a "bridal gown" but it's just a dress. I even wore one myself. I don't need a lesson on how to fasten hooks and button buttons. Now she wants to have a "spa day" with her bridesmaids, next weekend, again near her home, which is a three-hour drive each way for me. Aside from the expense (gas, spa treatments, and lunch for myself and my share of hers), I actually do have a life, which includes, on the day in question, one music lesson, two karate classes, football signups, a birthday party, and a trip to Nana's house. I politely, and without so much as a tiny white lie, explained that I just can't make it, please go on without me. I got an indignant email in return, suggesting that we either make it for a different day or meet the Friday before the Sunday morning wedding, three hours from my house, for a girls' day. I already have to spend two days--one for the rehearsal, one for the wedding--away from home. But now we should get together a day earlier to...what? Talk about how exciting this all is and how happy we are for her? It is, and I am, but I've about exhausted my stock of things to say about it. And frankly, I think I've already spent more on this wedding than I did on my own.

With the sort of day I'm having, I'm not about to handle sharp knives or heating sources. We're going out to dinner.

16 comments:

Sharon said...

Uh oh, Bridezilla alert! Sorry about your mucked-up day. It will all be ok. The Knitting Goddess called and said you had permission to cast on for any project you want, no matter how many WIP's you have.

sophanne said...

The only close contact I ever came with bridezilla was my sister 15 years ago and I am still recovering. What is it with that syndrome???

Steph B said...

Oh my...I may be jumping (leaping?) to conclusions, but if the girl is that self-obsessed now, it does not bode well for the marriage. What a shame. Marriage is a grand adventure if you choose to make it so. Sounds like she's going to make it a mess. I'd reclaim Icarus if I were you - it looked beautiful on you anyway!

melissaknits said...

I have spent the last 20 years carefully preparing my daughter to be a Non-Bridezilla. The cure begins in the cradle. We've discussed what a marriage is. We've studied weddings. When my best friend got married, just a few years ago, she prided herself on how little she spent and how little fuss she created. Meg was in on all of it. Train up a child in the way she should go, and when she is old...she will not turn into Bridezilla.

janet said...

Too bad she's getting so caught up in herself and forgetting about her dear friends. Too bad you can't go to spa day. I'm sure that you'd enjoy the time. Much better than shuttling kids to practises.

knottykitty said...

Oh my! What a day! And I think you have discovered the undisputed Queen of the Bridezillas!! She really knows how to test a friendship. I say, hold your ground and just.say.NO!!...and anonymously mail her one of those bridal etiquette books. Bookmark the pages that emphasize how generous it is of her friends to do all you've done already!!

The A.D.D. Knitter said...

Just check out this link if you want to laugh your ASS off at bridezilla's expense...scroll down and read the Harper's letter, it's a classic!

http://www.snopes.com/weddings/embarrass/bridezilla.asp

Lydee said...

oh.my.gosh. what a day! Definitely a stay in bed day.
a.d.d's link is hilarious!!

Anonymous said...

She's out of control. Stand your ground! My worst Bridezilla experience was showing up the night before the wedding, to pick up the gown (a two hour drive for me), only to find there WAS no bridesmaid gown for me. I finally called the bride - sure she was going to flip out. She calmly explained she had picked it up, and I wasn't needed in the wedding party. Someone else was wearing it!!!! Your friend is totally out of line to be insisting on all of this togetherness, and then being snarky when everyone doesn't bend to her will (and whim).

Mrs. H (aka MrsAych) said...

I agree with the others. While it's an honor to be asked to be in someone's wedding, it's not a commitment to cater to their every whim. hope things get better for you.

Mrs. H who would've been happy to get married in the minister's office while wearing jeans and t-shirts. I've never understood the whole wedding thing. LOL

dale-harriet said...

OK, my hives are receding. I guess I'm a) old-fashioned; b) just plain OLD, but I cannot imagine a girl acting like your bride-friend. I second Steph B. - and the total arrogance of inviting her bridesmaids to a spa day and apparently *expecting THEM to pay their own way*!! I'm gasping. And you're expected to bring gifts to multiple showers? Oooooh no, you are NOT. Honestly, my dear, there is so much wrong with this - you may not believe it, but I'm practically speechless. (well, ok...maybe not *speechless*) Please, keep us posted (if only so that we can be outraged in your defense!) Yes, as a 65-year-old Jewish Bubbe, I'd have to say I hope her Intended is seeing all this and catches on in time.........

Karen said...

Wow. I wouldn't go. She is way out of control.

Angelika said...

That day sounds just about like the one I was having today. End of the rope and no more slack. I'm not getting into the bridal business here, because of a foot in mouth problem I tend to have. :)

Stephanie said...

I wish I could tell my sister I can't do things when she acts like that (truthfully it's not near this bad, but still, I was a very relaxed bride comparatively) but she's my sister and I have to hear it from my mom as well if I don't cooperate.

Olga said...

Nothing to add to the others 'cept OMG.

...Sarah said...

I am very glad to have never been a bridesmaid. The only people the wedding is THAT important to is the bride, the groom's parent's and the bride's parents. Yet you just can't get a bride to understand that.