Monday, July 26, 2010

Truths for Mature Humans

Please note: I didn't write this, and I don't know who did, but it made me laugh out loud repeatedly, so I thought I'd share with you all.

  1. I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

  2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.

  3. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.

  4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

  5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

  6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

  7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

  8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

  9. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.

  10. Bad decisions make good stories.

  11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

  12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don’t want to have to restart my collection…again.

  13. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

  14. “Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this - ever.

  15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?

  16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

  17. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

  18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

  19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

  20. I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.

  21. Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.

  22. I would rather try to carry 10 over-loaded plastic bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

  23. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

  24. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said?

  25. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

  26. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

  27. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber and dumber every year?

  28. There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

  29. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate bicyclists.

  30. Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

  31. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I’d bet my ass everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!


Patty said...

Thank you, THANK YOU, for the giggles. I needed them (I'm off to wipe down the bathroom. Heck, I need more giggles. Let's read that again...:)!

Gracey is not my name.... said...

Great list! I so get #22!

At Home Mommy Knits said...

That had me laughing out loud! Thanks for the Monday morning pick-me-up.

weezalana said...

#16 and #22, HAHAHA! And Hubster is totally #31.

Knit and Purl Mama said...

Love the mapquest one. Yep, I think I know how to get out of my own neighborhood too...!

Tammy said...

Love it! And so true.

Becky said...

It's true, pants never get dirty. I just eventually wash them because I feel guilty about how many times I've worn them without washing them.

Strickmuse said...

Oh my, each one would apply to me. And #11 today especially. I don't think I will be able to do anything productive after lunch.
Thanks for the laughs.

Anonymous said...

So true.

Walden said...

That is hilarious! Thanks!

Fibra Artysta said...

I laughed so hard my mother had to come see what I was reading - and then she laughed too!

Thanks! :)

Renee said...

this is great!

juicyknits said...

LOL! I love each single one!