Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Payback

So I got to feeling a little guilty about the Retro Ribby Shrug. You know, what with the cheating and all. And I got out my darning needle and scissors and began sewing it up. I sewed the sides, and the shoulders, and set in one sleeve, and even sewed up the sleeve seam. I started setting in the second sleeve, and then I went off to the wedding and left it behind, figuring I only had a few minutes work left to do. I had some weird dreams while I was gone. I kept dreaming that I had done Something Wrong on the sewing. Which is weird, even for me. I don't usually dream about knitting. Well, I do, actually (although I try not to talk about it, at least among the Muggles), but I don't usually dream about finishing. It's not that exciting. This time, though, I had two distinct dreams warning me that there was Something Wrong with the finishing of the RRS. I put it down to simple exhaustion, after running all day and staying up with the bride until midnight, getting very little sleep before I was up at dawn to hose down the bride again and keep her within reasonable bounds of hysteria.

When I arrived home Sunday night, I was too tired to even consider finishing the few minutes of work I had left. It wasn't until Monday afternoon that I picked it up again. I finished setting in the sleeve and began making my way down the sleeve seam when it hit me, forcefully, that there was indeed Something Wrong. My shrug did not look at all the way I remembered the picture looking. It looked...different. Square. Slowly it dawned on me that the shrug in the picture was decidedly not square. I pulled out the book, and after a few hard looks back and forth, I concluded that I had, indeed, screwed it all up. I had sewn the fronts on completely wrong. Absolutely.

I began picking out the right side seam stitches, grateful, at least, that I could salvage the sleeve sewing and wouldn't have to set them back in. I finished picking out the side seam I was working and watched in horror as the right sleeve...fell off. Yes, I had picked out the wrong seam by mistake. I took a deep breath and decided to start over on the left side while I regrouped. Do I even need to tell you that the left sleeve suffered the same fate? Cursing quietly as I examined my new "vest", I decided my plan was doomed and that a complete reboot was necessary. I carefully picked out all the remaining seams and started again with all the pieces.

I sewed the right side, the left side, set in the right sleeve and sewed the sleeve seam, set in the left sleeve and began to sew the left sleeve seam. I held up the shrug. It looked a lot like the picture. Emboldened by my apparent--long-delayed--success, I headed for the bathroom mirror to try it on.

I have knitted a freak of nature.

It doesn't fit me. I don't think it would fit anyone. There seems to be an unusual amount of fabric gathered at the front of each sleeve. Sort of a puffed sleeve look, with the puff unaccountably shifted to the front. I don't think it's my sewing. I don't think it's my knitting. The measurements are all correct. I followed the finishing directions. And yet...there is most definitely Something Still Wrong.

I was momentarily tempted to soldier on and assume it would all come out in the blocking, but even a moment's rational reflection convinced me that this is not the case. There isn't enough blocking in the world to fix this. And I'm at a bit of a loss for any other solution, short of re-knitting the whole thing. And truthfully, I'm not even sure how that would help, since my pieces all match the pattern measurements perfectly. Clearly I have missed something important--some detail that would make all the difference in the finished product. But I'm afraid I lack sufficient interest at this point even to attempt to figure out what that might be.

Into every knitter's life, an occasional accursed project must fall. That is what the back of the yarn closet is for.

Fini.

13 comments:

Senja said...

Oh that is a bummer to put all that work into something. {especially putting all that rationalization into not working on Death by Cables:)} Then not have it work out. I loved the last post pic! Funny gal.

The A.D.D. Knitter said...

Oh sister I feel ya...that is exactly what happend to my Sizzle the fizzled!

sophanne said...

Holy Crap. Holy Crap Holy Crap.

The knitting goddess must think you're an atheist.

Lydee said...

Oh, that is weird, especially about the dream, weird, weird, weird.

Fancy Pants said...

I feel the need to share my pain about a project I did on commission (which made it worse). I knit and I knit and I knit (my fingers actually bled at one point) and then I blocked all the pieces individually. Everything measured as it should have and so, of course, I sewed the whole lot together, even sewing in my own belt loops. Unfortunately, for some reason or another, it didn't come out right and now, I've been told, one shoulder measures a full inch-and-a-half wider than the other. How did it happen? I haven't a clue. Will it happen again? Heck no. I'm trying to suppress the memory of the whole thing. Apparently, I'm failing miserably. I feel your pain. Oh, do I feel your pain.

Tammy said...

The vest I just finished doesn't fit either. It must be a curse in the air.

knottykitty said...

That sucks! This is why I do not knit fitted clothing--aside from the fact that I'm impossible to fit and don't have the skills...details.

Must be something in the air! I knit a ginormous 26-inch felted cat tray out of Noro this week! It was supposed to be a cat bed, but again....details. I'm still deciding whether to expose to public mocking.

Tracy said...

Ouch! But don't blame yourself. Take another look at the project pix on Rav. Notice the other front puff sleeves??? I'm thinking maybe it's just another example of knitter-beware-of-the-photo-shoot. I have to admit I haven't seen the book, but could it be so? The blame may not rest on your unfaithfulness, nor the designer but perhaps the photographer and stylist!

Forget about the shrug and wear the top anyway, I think that is what the goddess has had in mind all along anyway.

melissaknits said...

karma, man. it sucks!

janet said...

Your knitting is usually flawless and beautiful. This is to be blamed entirely on a bad pattern. Forget it. Go back to knitting the sweater for the cami.

Steph B said...

Oh thank goodness....I was beginning to think all your knitting was flawless and beautiful and probably smells of roses and spring rain. Now I know you're human just like me.

Still sucks that it turned out like that, though! :-)

Kristin said...

Is it back to Death? I am still knitting it vicariously through you and anxious for it to see some action!

quiltyknitwit said...

Oooh, such a disappointment. I can't even bear to hang on to items like that - they go into the trash...