Thursday, November 4, 2010

Stuff That's Gone Wrong Lately

Lots of bloggers have regular lists, like "Ten on Tuesday" or "Random Wednesday" or the like. I like this idea, because it seems like a really easy way to whack out a blog post, even if you can't find your camera cable and your last three WIPs are in the fireplace just waiting for a match. But none of the existing lists really capture the flavor of my daily life. I need a different theme. Something along the lines of "Stuff That's Gone Wrong Lately." Consider this the pilot episode.

Stuff That's Gone Wrong Lately:

1) Heidi and Sam are engaged in a pissing contest over ownership of a patch of carpet in my dining room. Actually, I think Sam has dropped out of the contest, but Heidi doesn't seem to care. Half my dining room furniture is currently piled on top of the towels covering the spot on the carpet in a truly futile effort to keep her off of it.

2) The Lysol I am using to keep my house from smelling like a back street stairwell caused Sophie to have a seizure yesterday. (Which, incidentally, made her pee on the carpet. Ironic, that.)

3) I finally got a much-needed pedicure--and immediately afterward caught my big toe on the brake pedal of my car, snapping the nail off halfway down.

4) I'm starting a new job Monday. For which I am not getting paid. I do get to pay for parking, though, so it all balances out.

5) In anticipation of starting the new job, I decided to henna my hair to cover the increasingly prominent grey. I didn't have my glasses on while I was mixing the henna, though, and failed to notice I was using the box labeled "Red" instead of the box labeled "Auburn". There is a really big difference between "Red" and "Auburn". I don't think they're expecting Bozo the Clown, but that's who's showing up on Monday.

6) I also--inexplicably--forgot to wear gloves while applying the henna, so now my hands and nails are also a lovely shade of orange, which is bound to make shaking all those new hands a fun experience all the way around.

7) I decided I was smarter than the designer of the camisole I'm test knitting and "modified" the straps. I now have to rip back black, fingering weight yarn and then pick up several hundred dropped stitches. There's not a bright enough light in the world to make this happen without hair rending, sobbing, and an eventual descent into drunken remorse.

8) Due to a scheduling collision which resulted in fatal injuries to my plans for today, I had the chance to sleep in this morning. To make up for it, I had raging insomnia last night.

Hmmm...I could get used to this list thing. Whining is kind of fun!


sheep#100 said...

I hear you on the insomnia. Today, I, too, will be negotiating life looking like a couple of miles of bad road.

And it's raining. meh

Hope things start looking up and that the toe heals quickly.

Lori said...

OHMYGOD. Gold medal for you. That's quite a list! I'll bookmark it for those inevitable periods in my life that look and feel remarkably similar. Here's to white hands, auburn hair, friendly coworkers, a piss-free house, and beautiful toes.

Anonymous said...

That list is truly impressive. Not in a good way, though. Hope things look up pronto. Hey, it's the weekend -- that's a start!

susanjane said...

Ouch, the toe! I'm still cringing! Everything else on the list pales in comparison.
BTW what if you rolled up the rug they're decorating? Or is that not an option? Surely there must be something that smells offensive to a dog. Then again..... ours used to collect deer innards all winter and drag them through the woods to the front yard where they could enjoy them in comfort, and in full view of the neighbors. I don't think anything offends a dog.

Strickmuse said...

Oh boy, what a list..... I am sure you are glad that this week is over and you are looking forward to Monday,.... or maybe not....
Oh, and I am so sorry to say I had to laugh. But isn't that so typical with humans and Schadenfreude?

Anonymous said...

Love the list. You could call it "Weekly Wreckage"!

I so enjoy reading your blog.

Michelle said...

oh yikes! I do understand the anguish of picking up "red" versus "auburn"...having been there, done that!
Just bought a steam cleaner this week to deal with the ageing and now-incontinent kitty, as well as with the dog who then feels the need to overpower kitty's scent with his own. I *highly* recommend!!
Here's hoping the week improves. I'll make a sacrifice to the Knitting Goddess on your behalf.

Fibra Artysta said...

Ugh. You've been busy.

If your hands are still stained, buy this:

Works like a charm for removing fabric dye (I dyed my hand black once, it took away the zombie effect real quick) so I imagine it would work on henna too.