Monday, February 9, 2009

Wrestling Wisteria

I cast on for Wisteria tonight. Five times. I learned a lot in the process, like just how many ways it is possible to mess up. Wanna know? Here's a list:

1. Read directions. Cast on 150 stitches. Count them twice to confirm 150 stitches on the needle. Join, being careful not to twist. Work four rounds. Realize it doesn't look like the picture. Read directions again. And again. Finally realize that Round 1: Work row 1 of Collar and Yoke chart 12 times does not mean "work round one 12 times," but rather, repeat the chart for round one 12 times, taking you all the way around the first round. (For the record, I think this is a completely crappy way of wording that direction, but it could be I'm a little cranky.) Say bad word. Rip.

2. Cast on 150 stitches. Count them twice to confirm 150 stitches on the needle. Join, being careful not to twist. Work round 1 once, round 2 once, round 3 once, round 4 once, and wonder why the collar looks rather large. Like, almost large enough to fit around your bust. Count the stitches again. Confirm 150 stitches on the needle. Check gauge. Confirm that it is correct. Go on Ravelry and see if anyone else has this problem. Note that it seems to be a personal thing. Work another two rounds to see if it pulls in. Check pattern again. Notice that pattern reads CO 120 sts. Recognize that 120 is significantly less than 150. Say more bad words. Loudly. Rip.

3. Cast on 120 stitches. Count them twice to confirm 120 stitches on the needle. Work round 1 once, round 2 once, round 3 once. Take satisfaction in human-sized collar. Wonder why it looks different from the past two attempts in ways other than size. Attempt round 4 and discover it to be physically impossible to complete. Realize that, while you have joined, you have not been careful not to twist. Congratulations. You have knitted a mobius. You have not, however, knitted a collar. Choke back really bad words struggling to escape in deference to children in the room. Pour large glass of wine instead. Rip.

4. Cast on 150 stitches. Do I even need to tell you where this ended up? Send children out of room. Say lots and lots of bad words. Finish wine. Rip.

5. Cast on 120 stitches. Count them twice to confirm 120 stitches on the needle. Check the pattern to make sure you in fact need 120 stitches. Join, being careful not to twist. Work round 1 once. Work round 2 once. Work round 3 once. Confirm that you have not twisted. Confirm that you still have 120 stitches on the needle. Put the knitting down and go to bed while you're ahead.

18 comments:

knitwitmama said...

some days are just like that, sorry you had one. : )

Lori said...

Ouch.

I would love to read this as a cautionary tale and to believe that I may, some day in the future, remember it and be extra careful so as to avoid similar incidents, but I think I can say with certainty I've been there and I will be there again one day.

But still. Ouch. Good luck for the rest of the way!

trek said...

Good move. Reminds me of something I learned way back in the day...

If you are programming something and you have something that works really well at four o'clock, stop. Do not attempt to add any additional features nor to make any enhancements. If you do, you will break something horribly and be going home at eight o'clock, not five.

Instead, clean up your inbox (electronic and plastic), tidy your desk, get a cup of tea, shoot the breeze with a co-worker in the kitchen while making tea (why do you think the co-worker is there?), and think about what to make for dinner. Leave at five o'clock.

At Home Mommy Knits said...

Ugh....we've all been there. Sorry :)

shortoldlady said...

Kudos for sticking with it! I would have given up after the second time! No - probably the first!

Lydee said...

sounds like knitting vomit. love that glass of red wine.

Kelli Simone said...

I may be impolite but I am choking back laughing out loud (I'm at work and there's an audit going on.

Thanks for the laugh. You are not alone. ~ksp

5elementknitr said...

Oh. no.

Good thing we love knitting so much, it doesn't hurt to knit it over. And over. and ov. er.

right? yeaaaaa, riiiiight.

Tracy said...

Look on the bright side, take pride in the fact you could even count to 150 or 120 so consistently. Somedays it's merely the counting that does me in. :o)

Eileen said...

Sorry but I had to laugh. Similar things have happened to me. I hope the rest of the sweater goes better!

joannamauselina said...

That is so me.

kmkat said...

I ADORE posts like this, not because I am a sadist, but because I have made similar mistakes. Over and over. And over. We all have. Thanks for the laugh and know that we all sympathize.

Knitman said...

Oh good for you! I have only recently learned that one. Leaving alone and going to bed! I would stay up all night getting more and more frustrated. I thought when i saw the title that you might have been wrestling with whether or not to watch DH!

Yarn It said...

Oh my. I have done things like that too. Sometimes I find it is best to the put the pattern down and re-read it the next day. However, if it helps, I would have read the first instructions the way you did too. I don't think it is very clear.

marit said...

Sorry, but I was laughing out loud-knowing that I've been there, and am likely to go there again in the notsodistant future...Hope it goes better now! I love your writing,btw!

sophanne said...

I so very much dislike it when this happens. It feels like doomsday- The small victory in this one is that you had the good sense to put it away.

SusanJane said...

The knitting gods are now appeased and the rest of the sweater will flow off your needles.
When this happens to me (and it takes a lot less than 150 stitches)I count loudly by twos and insert a lot of stitch markers. The dogs find it very entertaining.

Kim said...

Oooh Wisteria. Maybe when I cast on I can learn form your mistakes. I would have read the pattern directions for Round 1 the same as you.