Erica--An FO and Another Free Pattern!

[Amended on April 9, 2008: This pattern is no longer available here. I'm not being mean; the pattern will soon be available as a downloadable pdf through Little Knits for a small charge. All proceeds will go to Knitters Without Borders to benefit Doctors Without Borders, and Little Knits will make a matching donation for all sales! As soon as the pattern is up, I will link to it here.]

I knitted this little piece several months ago, intending to submit it to Knitty for the Spring issue. I had it done well in advance, but when it came time to take pictures, the weather failed to cooperate, and I could not get pictures done in time to make the deadline.

No problem, I thought, I'll just submit it for summer. It recently occurred to me that the deadline for the Summer issue is probably soon. So I checked. Nope--it is not soon; it has passed.
I am not really a patient person, so rather than wait another year to make this available (by which time I will probably have forgotten all about it), I figured I might as well blog about it here, and provide the pattern for you select few.

I don't know how to turn the Word file into a PDF (I suspect that would involve some software that I don't have). I'm sorry. If you want to make one of these you will probably have to cut and paste the pattern from this post into a Word document. Or you can email me, and I will send you the Word file.

High Priority?

What do you suppose they do to the mail that's not "Priority"?

Sailing Right Along

The sailing puns are likely to be hot and heavy around here for a while. Bear with me.

For those who might have worried, I have not died, been abducted by aliens (more's the pity; I've always thought that would be interesting), or been the unfortunate victim of a zombie attack (but it could happen, Annie!). I have been busy. Duh. Aren't we all?

I finished this:

And this:

And I'm (yes, sorry, I really am going to say it) sailing right along on this:


There is much more to be done. I could get a lot further if the other inmates would stop eating, wearing clothes, bathing, and going to school. Although that could get pretty ugly. Cranky, skinny, naked, stinky, and ignorant probably wouldn't be an improvement over the current state of affairs. On the other hand, I might have a completed Death By Cables and a new pair of spring socks. Hmmm...

Come Sail Away

Gift knitting is exempt from my vow of monogamy to Death By Cables. I have no proof, but I am inferring that this is the case since nothing awful happened during the production of the Knitting For Peace messenger bag. Had I offended the Knitting Goddess by working on a project other than Death, I am sure she would have let me know. I have the world's ugliest knitting project stuffed behind the sofa as proof. I am sure if I had cast on for something else for myself, my yarn would have burst into flames. There will probably be a lot of gift knitting around here for a while.

Last night I picked up Death, gathered my glasses and charts and a pencil and my tools, sat down to work on it...and cast on for a baby blanket for the friend I told you about back in December who is having the unexpected blessing. I had lunch with her last week and she is nearly seven months along, making the knitting of a baby blanket a matter of some urgency. I've been having trouble finding a pattern I like. I wanted something with boats, or waves, or some watery theme. She lives in a house overlooking the marina, her husband owns Boat Depot, they love to go out on their boat, and she's decorated the baby's room in a nautical theme. I had already bought this lovely, dark heather blue superwash wool (KnitPicks Swish Worsted) for just this purpose. I swatched a few times with different patterns, but nothing appealed to me. Then, inspiration struck. All by my little self, I did this:

And, people...I am proud. I know you washcloth knitters are scratching your heads and thinking, "So?" But I've never made a washcloth, and this is my first attempt at this type of embossed pattern. And it turned out so well!

See the sails? The mast? The little flag on top? What new mommy wouldn't love a blanket like that for her baby boy? [Yes, it's a boy. Nicholas Andrew. I can't tell you how relieved I am that this child has a name I can say without cringing. My friend is a free-spirited sort, and exactly the type who would be likely to name her son Walnut, or Rocky, or Betelgeuse. Don't look at me like that. We have friends who named their new arrival Jesse James. And that's what they call him. Not Jesse, or JJ, or Stinky. Nope. "Jesse James." They're not from New Mexico or Texas, either. They live in New Jersey.]

But I digress.

I have been taking notes on exactly how I made those little boats so that I can duplicate them. See?

Once I'm done, I will make it available here as a free--and hopefully more legible--pattern, so if you just have to have those sweet little boats, you can. I'll even try to figure out how to get a chart into electronic format, but no promises there!

Staggering On

Just to prove that I really am still plodding on through Death By Cables:

The back and front are done. This is the first sleeve. It's about a third of the way done. I have stuck to my vow to the Knitting Goddess not to cast on any new projects until I finish this...I mean, if you don't count socks, or the Great Green Glob. Speaking of which...

Here is the G-cubed prior to felting. That's me holding it. This is one freakin' huge bag.

And here it is after felting. It's like magic. It's still pretty big, but after multiple trips through the washer, it is dense enough to stop bullets, and I just don't think it's going to felt any more. I got a huge kick out of knitting this, which was a sort of knitting joke. And who doesn't love a good knitting joke, after all?

Happy Pi Day!

Every year, my kids' school celebrates Pi Day (3.14--March 14th, for the uninitiated) by holding a Pi contest. The kid who can recite Pi to the most decimal points wins--what else?--a pie. Yesterday, to demonstrate his prowess, my older son recited Pi to 46 decimal points. I had no idea he could do this. After all, he rarely remembers to turn off the lights, close the door, or wear his glasses. Today at school, he recited Pi to 66 decimal points and was the undisputed winner. And this year, thanks to the generosity of Hewlett-Packard, there was a surprise prize for the winner, in addition to the traditional pie (chocolate creme, yum!). Can you tell how proud he is?

A Message From John Cleese

I got this via email and laughed myself silly. I thought you all might enjoy it, too.

A Message from John Cleese

To the citizens of the United States of America:

In light of your failure to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas , which she does not fancy).

Your new prime minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a governor for America without the need for further elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.

A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.

1. Then look up aluminium, and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix -ize will be replaced by the suffix -ise.

Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels (look up 'vocabulary').

3. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.

There is no such thing as US English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell- checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of -ize. You will relearn your original national anthem, God Save The Queen.

4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent.

Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

6. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

7. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.

8. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables.

Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

9. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline)-roughly $6/US gallon. Get used to it.

10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

11. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager.

South African beer is also acceptable as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting Nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of British Commonwealth - see what it did for them.

12. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters.

Watching Andie McDowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

13. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies). Don't try Rugby - the South Africans and Kiwis will thrash you, like they regularly thrash us.

14. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America . Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.

15. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

16. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

17. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with proper cups, never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; strawberries in season.

God save the Queen.