Wrestling Wisteria

I cast on for Wisteria tonight. Five times. I learned a lot in the process, like just how many ways it is possible to mess up. Wanna know? Here's a list:

1. Read directions. Cast on 150 stitches. Count them twice to confirm 150 stitches on the needle. Join, being careful not to twist. Work four rounds. Realize it doesn't look like the picture. Read directions again. And again. Finally realize that Round 1: Work row 1 of Collar and Yoke chart 12 times does not mean "work round one 12 times," but rather, repeat the chart for round one 12 times, taking you all the way around the first round. (For the record, I think this is a completely crappy way of wording that direction, but it could be I'm a little cranky.) Say bad word. Rip.

2. Cast on 150 stitches. Count them twice to confirm 150 stitches on the needle. Join, being careful not to twist. Work round 1 once, round 2 once, round 3 once, round 4 once, and wonder why the collar looks rather large. Like, almost large enough to fit around your bust. Count the stitches again. Confirm 150 stitches on the needle. Check gauge. Confirm that it is correct. Go on Ravelry and see if anyone else has this problem. Note that it seems to be a personal thing. Work another two rounds to see if it pulls in. Check pattern again. Notice that pattern reads CO 120 sts. Recognize that 120 is significantly less than 150. Say more bad words. Loudly. Rip.

3. Cast on 120 stitches. Count them twice to confirm 120 stitches on the needle. Work round 1 once, round 2 once, round 3 once. Take satisfaction in human-sized collar. Wonder why it looks different from the past two attempts in ways other than size. Attempt round 4 and discover it to be physically impossible to complete. Realize that, while you have joined, you have not been careful not to twist. Congratulations. You have knitted a mobius. You have not, however, knitted a collar. Choke back really bad words struggling to escape in deference to children in the room. Pour large glass of wine instead. Rip.

4. Cast on 150 stitches. Do I even need to tell you where this ended up? Send children out of room. Say lots and lots of bad words. Finish wine. Rip.

5. Cast on 120 stitches. Count them twice to confirm 120 stitches on the needle. Check the pattern to make sure you in fact need 120 stitches. Join, being careful not to twist. Work round 1 once. Work round 2 once. Work round 3 once. Confirm that you have not twisted. Confirm that you still have 120 stitches on the needle. Put the knitting down and go to bed while you're ahead.